I hate money

I've always had bad feelings towards money, because I've never really had any. But now it just makes me furious.
It's not fair that some people are able to pay for something like college, and not even think about it, and others have to wonder of they're ever coming back.
I hate that I get so attached to people. It just hurts me more when they leave.
I want to be selfish. I want to stop it. I want to write to a bunch of different people who would send money to keep her here. I don't want her to leave.
She just got here. It's not fair that I get an amazing friend, someone I look up to and love, and then have her torn away from me. I don't want to let that happen.
I don't want to be giving, I don't wan to share, or be sweet or anything. it's not fair.
She's here for a reason. God cant have a different plan for her. She's worked too hard to leave now. This is where she has to learn.
Who do I write to? Who will help?
I don't care that life isn't fair. It has to be, just this once.I wont let her go.
Who else will I say "I hate you" too when I force myself to exercise?
Who else will I go to when I hurt myself, even though she doesn't know what to do yet?
Who else will I give the 3cm salute to?
Who else will I talk to about what I want to do with my life?
Who else will give me insight, and propose new ideas for what I can do in my life?
Who else will I be single with?
Who else will I threaten to throw into the street?
Who else will give me a bit of Oregon to carry around with me?
Who else will willingly leave this place because she feels like she's being selfish?
I'm the selfish one.
And I'm fine with it. I'm gunna be selfish. She's my friend.
What if she does leave after this semester? Will they give Jojo a new roommate? Will she leave? Who's room will I go in when I want a quiet place to study in? Who else will put up with a rave in their room? She's one of a kind.
I'm afraid that she's going to leave, and we'll grow apart. I've only known her for a little over a month, but I want to know her the rest of my life. Like everyone here. I promised her she could go to my wedding. I know we'd grow apart. And it sucks.
I dont want to trust God, I'm afraid to, because what if His plan is for her to leave? I wish I was rich, I would pay for it myself. How are we going to pay for our trip to Ireland, if we cant even afford college? And how are we going to pay for college, if we dont go to Ireland and marry hot rich Irish (Scottish for me) guys?
I'll keep looking. I wont give up. I have to do something.
I hate that you can't be alone here. And yet, I hate that I am alone.
IT SUCKS